Reaver's Little Chats
by XxThe SirenxX
Summary: Reaver and Sparrow are an odd pair - but their conversations are even odder. A series of drabbles that are simply conversations between the Hero Of Skill and the Hero Of Albion. Reaver X Sparrow
1. Guns

"Well, hello there dear. I didn't expect to see you so soon."

"Oh, hush Reaver; you know exactly what I'm here for."

"Yes, about that – are you sure you wouldn't like a closer look at my more _personal _weaponry."

"Please, Reaver, just give me what I came here for – the trek from Bowerstone has been a tiring one."

"But what did you come here for, Sparrow darling?"

"The gun, you fool."

"But what gun?"

"The one I asked for."

"The one you asked for directly, or the one you secretly ask for everytime you come here?"

"Damn it Reaver, what are you on about?"

"I'm simply saying, I _might_ have a _gun_ in my possession that you might enjoy more."

"Uh-hu."

"It has a thicker barrel."

"…"

"And far more fire power."

"…"

"It's long too – got good reach."

"…Please.."

"Please what, darling?"

"Please shut up, Reaver."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll beat you again."

"Oh, that is rather kinky, my little minx-"

"DAMMIT REAVER!"

A/N: This is Fable 2 Reaver, so he's going to be a lot more eecentric, charming, flamboyant and smexy than the big meany in Fable 3 (But I still loved him!)

Feel free to comment if you have an idea for a conversation!


	2. Money

"Sooooooo, Sparrow, my darling..."

"Yes Reaver?"

"My little minx."

"…"

"My gorgeous Auroran flower."

"…"

"My loving companion."

"…"

"My dreamily delicious heroic hero."

"Reaver…"

"Yes, my love?"

"You've run out of money for the brothel again, haven't you?"

"Well, 'run out' is such a strange term-"

"Hannah beat you at cards again, didn't she?"

"Hmph, more like cheated."

"Why don't you just ask me for the money instead of sucking up?"

"Because I get to compliment your beauty and get paid for it – a win-win situation."

"Uh-hu."

"Plus, you might be someone of importance someday – never hurts to keep up a good impression. Remember me when you're royalty, wont you darling?"

"Oh quiet Reaver – I seriously doubt that _I'll _ever be Queen."


	3. No

"Reaver, how many times do I have to say no?"

"Oh, but Môn amour, you know you want to…"

"No Reaver."

"Just once? One time can't hurt, can it?"

"Oh Reaver, you are terrible."

"But you love me for it, darling."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"But just think! Both of our skills combined in a rush of passion – skill and whatever the heck the fourth strength is – oh, imagine what level that would make that would make the pleasure soar unto!"

"You're being over dramatic again, Reaver."

"Surely we've known each other long enough to at least give it a try?"

"If I tell you that I'll think about it, will you stop going on?"

"Maybe, my love…"

"…Fine, I'll think about it."

"Excellent! I knew you would come around in the end! Now, where should we do it – it must be memorable. My place, or yours? Or we could do it the commoner's way; up against a wall in a back alley."

"You said you'd stop going on!"

"Sparrow, I said 'maybe'."


	4. Liar

"You cannot be serious!"

"Am I the type to lie, Reaver?"

"No – that's what's confusing and scaring me."

"You asked, I gave you a truthful and honest answer."

"I…really?"

"Yes, really."

"Well, I'll be damned."

"I thought you already were?"

"Touché, my dear."

"…"

"I still don't believe you, you know."

"Then don't believe me."

"It simply that you're the last person I would imagine doing something as atrocious as that."

"Who would you imagine doing it, then?"

"Someone like me honestly."

"Hmmm."

"I guess that means you and I are more alike than we think."

"Now that IS scary."


	5. Mocking

"But why not?"

"Reaver, do shut up."

"I demand to know why you would not let me kill that peasant!"

"We've been over this…"

"Not much space would have been lost, he was barely the size of a four year old – no one would have noticed."

"Reaver, that's because he WAS a four year old."

"Put him out of his misery early then! All the more reason!"

"What exactly did the kid do again, Reaver?"

"He was mocking my Dragon Stomper.48; comparing it to his own toy gun, no less!"

"He didn't!"

"Indeed he did Môn Cherie! It's a disgrace!"

"Oh Reaver, may the Gods of the Old Kingdom smite him down, the urchin!"

"Yes, exactly! I-"

"…"

"You were mocking me again, weren't you, Sparrow?"

"Me? Mock you? Perish the thought?"


	6. The Hero Of Oakvale

"Why am I the one cleaning the dishes?"

"Because you broke the last set after using them as moving target practice; the least you can do is look after these ones."

"Don't you have a servant for such peasantry tasks as this?"

"No Reaver."

"My apologies, I forgot what a _saint_ you are."

"Will you hush, I'm trying to read."

"Oh dear, what book is it this time? The last one persuaded you to teach that mutt of your how to find more gold, and he almost turned my house upside down by raiding every nook and cranny."

"Your fault for having so many materialistic things then, isn't it?"

"Where did you get it?"

"The market in town."

"You mingled with those common rabble."

"Reaver…"

"Yes, yes, - '_I was once a peasant, and look where am I now.'_ Save me the trip down memory lane Sparrow. What's it called?"

"The Hero Of Oakvale, ther-"

*CRASH*

"Reaver? Reaver, are you alright?"

"Y-yes, I just…I was just a bit clumsy is all. I dropped a dish."

"…Reaver…"

"Its fine, I'll pay for another one, seeing as I-"

"No, Reaver; its ok."

"…"

"I wish you would tell me what happened there."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Fine, I'm going out for a while. We need some more firewood anyway."

*slam*

…

"One day I will tell you, Sparrow."


	7. Little Sparrow

"You're a terrible loser, Reaver."

"You wound me, little Sparrow, I-"

"Don't call me that."

"What?"

"I said don't call me that. It's just Sparrow now."

"Why do I sense the fact I've touched a nerve?"

"Just don't, Reaver."

"Oh my! Does our hero Sparrow have a dirty little secret?"

"Reaver, I-"

"Tell me; was it a pet name given to you by a passionate lover? Or a secret password between youthful friends? Or maybe it was-"

"Reaver, stop it."

"But I-"

"Please…"

But I simply must know! I bet it was something steamy and embarrassing."

"…"

"I knew it! Th-"

"What about those journal entries I found at Bloodstone Mansion?"

"…"

"Well?"

"That's…private…"

"Exactly – you wont talk about that, and I wont talk about this."


	8. Oh Reaver

"Oh Reaver…for the love of Heroes…"

"I take it you enjoyed it then?"

"That…was bloody magnificent."

"What did I tell you?"

"I admit it, you were right."

"No change there then, Môn amour?"

"Cocky much?"

"Now that you mention it…"

"Oh Lord, again?"

"Why ever not? Have I tired you out? The great Sparrow, who has slain Balverine's by the dozen and trekked across all of Albion?"

"After thee times, am I not allowed to admit to a slight stamina drain?"

"Have a quick rest then; I want to go and fetch some toys for us to try."

"Really? It…wasn't good enough on its own?"

"Of course it was my dear - you are an exceptional woman."

"…But?"

"But I am the Hero Of Skill."

"…What are you-"

"And I am determined to use all that skill on you until you cant tell which way is up, and the Gods of the Old Kingdom hear my name in the heavens being screamed from your lips."


End file.
